SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Bigger,
Logged in just to tell you how much I loved that saw analogy.

The best thing I did albeit five months too late was to tell my wife's AP's wife about the affair.

The worst thing I did was jump into MC the next week. I would suggest stopping the MC, start IC, and wait several months before considering MC. The MC's goal is to keep a couple together, get the win :/ Wait until your head is clear and you feel stable. Then decide if you want to save the marriage.

If you will feel safer by her quitting her job then make the demand. If she says no, well then you know what her priorities are.

UseD2,
I see a lot of "we", "her", but not a lot of "me" in your posts.
When are you going to think and care about YOU???
Please take the advice already given here: eat, sleep, drink water.
For most people, the pain of betrayal is the most painful event of their life.
You can forgive, but you will definitely not forget.
If you rug sweep, this can come later, let's say 5 years (ask me how I know), and it will hit you HARDER than D-Day.

The best thing I did albeit five months too late was to tell my wife's AP's wife about the affair.

The worst thing I did was jump into MC the next week. I would suggest stopping the MC, start IC, and wait several months before considering MC. The MC's goal is to keep a couple together, get the win :/ Wait until your head is clear and you feel stable. Then decide if you want to save the marriage.

If you will feel safer by her quitting her job then make the demand. If she says no, well then you know what her priorities are.

The day I found out about the affair, I told my wife’s AP’s wife. If I couldn’t have peace at home, neither could he and his daughters ended up finding out too. He admitted to multiple affairs in his messages to my wife. So now his wife knows about that too.

I made the demand while we were in therapy. She's not taking it well. I don't really care as it's what I need to move forward. I feel a little bad, but she made her bed.

UseD2,
I see a lot of "we", "her", but not a lot of "me" in your posts.
When are you going to think and care about YOU???
Please take the advice already given here: eat, sleep, drink water.
For most people, the pain of betrayal is the most painful event of their life.
You can forgive, but you will definitely not forget.
If you rug sweep, this can come later, let's say 5 years (ask me how I know), and it will hit you HARDER than D-Day.

I spent the weekend camping with friends I’ve known for over 20 years, and for the first time in 2½ months, I actually felt like myself again. Came home and felt anxious again though.

UseD2

I spent the weekend camping with friends I’ve known for over 20 years, and for the first time in 2½ months, I actually felt like myself again. Came home and felt anxious again though.

They say, getting over betrayal is on average 2-5 years, with some less and some taking more.

But, for a start: Who are YOU??? What makes you, YOU?
I don't think you being hurt by your W and by betrayal is the 100% part of you.

You felt anxious because for now, home is not home, is the place you have been hurt and some part of betrayal happened.

Let's take the bed and suppose she texted from it.

you can:
-break it in the yard (with an axe or a chainsaw) and have a bon fire
-if you can stand to be close to her, you can break it in hyper-bonding
-you can sell it
-you can throw it out
-you can donate it
-you can paint it a different color, change the mattress, the bedsheets
-etc etc

Same with your house: you can make it your home or you can sell it or rent it and get another one (if you can afford it)

Piggy-backing on Bigger's post (my hat's off for saying that again and again and again for years): to get out of infidelity, you have to choose differently.

You can choose to not be hurt
You can choose to not be triggered
You can choose to look differently at life
You can choose to be different and take care first of .... YOU?

How about you try this: when you get triggered either by remembering her, her lack of empathy or a thing in the house, get a rubber band, snap your hand with it, than think about the first morning getting out of the tent, camping with the boys and how the forest smelled and how those crazy birds sung like crazy with not a worry in the world...