Bos491233 (original poster new member #86116) posted at 2:42 PM on Monday, August 4th, 2025
Has anyone experienced being triggered by their wedding anniversary? I told my wife early on during the most angry part of this process that basically that day was meaningless now. I tossed my wedding band into a lake saying it didn't represent what she had promised that day. To her credit, shortly thereafter she arranged to have a jeweler friend of ours let us make our own new bands which I thought was a big step in showing empathy. Every year since Dday, the anniversary just brings up memories of how the vows were broken, how she very likely was intimate with him days around our anniversary for at least 1 year if not more so the day truly has lost its meaning to me. Visualizing them being intimate and then us being out to dinner for our anniversary days later gets the blood pressure cranked way up. My WW obviously struggles with this (trust me, I'm not sympathizing, just stating facts). I think it's a day she'd still like to "celebrate" but honestly the last few have really not brought me much joy. I've shared this with her and explained the day just makes me kind of depressed. Unfortunately the Xmas holiday turned into this as well but there are many distractions and family around which makes that better. Dday in both cases (1 affair just trickle truthed resulting in 2 Ddays) was days within Xmas. Anyone else dealt with this and what mechanisms have you used to cope with it?
Stillconfused2022 ( member #82457) posted at 3:42 PM on Monday, August 4th, 2025
Yes for sure have dealt with this. It can change over time has been my experience. We used to still celebrate it and for some reason that felt okay to me. But in the last couple of years I no longer want to celebrate it. I prefer for him to be around, available, not working, in case I have any feelings I want or need to share. We might go out to dinner just so no one has to cook. But I no longer want it to be a celebration. It is now more like a day of reflection. I wouldn’t be surprised if that also changes with time again.
gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 4:04 PM on Monday, August 4th, 2025
Every year since Dday, the anniversary just brings up memories of how the vows were broken, how she very likely was intimate with him days around our anniversary for at least 1 year if not more
This sounds like you don’t fully know all that transpired. Is that something you’ve chosen, or is she not being fully forthcoming? Complete disclosure is a pillar of R, so no intimacy (by way of shared secret intimate details) can remain btw her & AP.
