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Hello my SI friends,

Really hoping I can get some advice about this, here goes.
As most of you know my H confessed to a COW affair 3 years after it ended. He transferred department to remove himself from the AP and eventually she transferred out to another depot. 6 weeks after DD she transferred to my H’s depot and department because her fiance works there, she is on a different shift so there’s no contact but every couple of months or so he may see her or her fiancee passing in the yard.

I have my boundaries, he knows what is expected of him if she ever tries to make contact or speak to him.

I’m a couple months short of 2 years past DD, my H has been looking for a new job but nothing is available, we’ve thought about selling the house and getting a job that pays less but neither one of us wants to do that, although I have told him it might come to that and these are consequences. The job market is so poor ATM. We do have another option and that is to become self employed, he’s terrified of that, so am I but I do get a really good feeling about this, like it would be a brand new start, an adventure we can do together, my H’s fear of failure takes over him but me on the other hand am a we’ll figure it out person.

His workplace keeps coming up, I know that there’s no contact, I know he’ll stick to my boundaries, he knows what happens if he doesn’t and I’m at peace with that. I just feel disrespected that he goes there, the place disgusts me, the people disgust me, it’s all the memories attached to that place and I just want it gone. I see my H’s point, he goes there to provide for his family, he’s alone in his truck all day, he goes there does his job and comes home, I understand but I don’t like it.

I’m ok for a few weeks then it will come to me, he’s going there, everything happened there, all those people are still there etc and then I bring it to my H, I don’t spiral, no meltdown I just feel disrespected, I know he can’t magic a job up from thin air but I don’t know what to do?.

As always any advice is greatly appreciated.

Bruce.

Hi Bruce,

I don’t have any advice, and we are in a very similar situation

I am the wayward and the AP was a co-worker.
We moved miles away, I changed company, absolutely NC, etc.. but me going to work is still a massive trigger.

It’s a different company, but same field, same line of work. I am specialised in my sector, so if I were to change completely, it’s unlikely I’d make decent money.

If it weren’t for the money (that we need), I’d have stopped working / change path in a heartbeat.

I don’t hate my job, but seeing how my BS is triggered every time, it’s hard. When I have to go to the office (instead of WFH), I can’t sleep at night because of the stress.

It’s genuinely a trigger I would remove from our lives in a second, if I could (and again, we are in a different city, different company, etc.)

Sorry, I know I am not being v helpful.

If you play any kind of lottery, I hope you will win so that work isn’t a problem anymore! (I hope that for myself. I don’t care about being rich at this point, I just want this trigger to go away )

LG,

Thank you for your reply, I’m not completely sure it’s him going to work that is the trigger, more like the place, it’s a constant reminder and there’s people there that I don’t care for at all. I just want to close that part of my life, I want to put that behind me, be rid of the place.

I wish I could win the lottery but i won’t stand a chance, I’ve never bought a ticket 😂. Guess we’ll have to go the sheer grit and determination way then eh.