KaBoom! Family bombshell! What to do with this info....
I am not sure what forum to post this on but I'm here because the original betrayal that brought me here was long ago.
That was in 2008. We divorced. I dated a man, G, for 7 years until 2017. We split up after a dumb fight. He was so anxious he heard things I didn't say, and I gave up. Both of us had trust issues. Eventually we salvaged a friendship as I never stopped caring. His mother died and he grieved. G got stage 4 cancer, I took care of him, we reconnected emotionally, overcame past blocks, and even knowing he was dying we got married. We had an amazing wonderful loving 4 months of marriage. He died January 2025.
I am still grieving the loss, and also trying to understand why he was so anxious.
This past weekend I met with his aunt who was his mother's sister and asked her why.
She said there are skeletons in the closet in the family. She told the story of G's mother having an affair when my husband was a baby. She got pregnant, and his Dad took her back and raised G's brother as his son. That was R.
I had not heard this story before. She said she had never told anyone.
My husband G and his brother R were very different. G was an artist, didn't focus on money. R was always wheeling and dealing and became a multi millionaire and has a wealthy lifestyle. My husband was very heartfelt and sacrificed to help others. The brother barely helped at all when my husband was sick and was very distant and disconnected. Cold where my husband was very warm despite the anxiety.
Do I keep this info to myself as the aunt did? As G's parents clearly wanted?
But why should I know and not the brother?
There isn't a way to verify this as both parents are dead. Not sure a DNA test could be done at this time.
My experience with being honest about difficult topics are that then people see me in a negative light when I did nothing wrong and I don't want that drama in my life. I'm inclined to say nothing, as his brother is not friendly to me anyway. He is in his 60s now.
All the same, I know if there was a question about my parentage I would want to know.
I am puzzling over what to do with this bombshell.
I'm open to thoughtful responses. Thank you.
3 comments posted: Saturday, July 18th, 2026
15 years from D-Day Today
Yes, 15 years ago today and it still makes me cry sometimes. It never stopped hurting on some level. I've learned to live with it. I've created a good life. I love my work. I love my house/land. Good friends and neighbors. No romance. No significant other. Not likely. I am 62 and very healthy and calm. I am more at peace with my life than I have ever been before. I'm proud of myself.
I'm sorry for all the pain everyone has gone through. I detest infidelity and what it does to people.
7 comments posted: Friday, June 2nd, 2023
The big fat surprise
Nutrition book on the history of the 'low-fat' diet recommendation. Sounds dry? I find it fascinating as we all grew up under this madness that has little scientific foundation or cultural background. I realize how much our lives and our health has been negatively affected by this. The Mediterranean diet? A huge PR machine supported it! How did we get to doctors recommending margarine (trans fats) for heart health. Oops! It contributes to heart disease but there were powerful forces pushing for its use. Now we have rising obesity and diabetes as a result of our fear of fat and the emphasis on carbs and so many have suffered from mistaken public policy. It's a well written book and I highly recommend it!
It makes me remember my home ex class in the 70s and 6th grade where the teachers taught us the four important ingredients: Karo (corn) syrup, artificial food colorings, crisco (trans fats) and bisquix which was a white flour mix. Industrial foods to poison your family with.
2 comments posted: Sunday, December 20th, 2015
Books on spiritual attitude by Tosha Silver
I am really liking her latest book, 'Change Me Prayers'. It's a huge step forward from the whole Law of Attraction approach to living your life in relationship to the divine, or a higher power, or God or whatever you call It, Her, Him.
She is earthy and funny and very practical. She was an astrologer for many years and has interesting stories from her practice. Change Me Prayers is about the practice of surrendering your small ego in service to your greater self. It's inspiring to me.
I highly recommend her work. I just started her previous book, Outrageous Openness. Also very good.
For someone new to spiritual life it probably wouldn't be appropriate if you are close to Dday and at the height of PTSD.
1 comment posted: Tuesday, August 11th, 2015
Quotes from Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman MD
I found this book helpful for my understanding and recovery of abuse I experienced that was ignored and denied even though it happened in public. It also made sense for my recovery from the trauma of infidelity. Here are a few quotes:
A secure sense of connection with caring people is the foundation of personality development. When this connection is shattered, the traumatized person loses her basic sense of self. Developmental conflicts of childhood and adolescence, long since resolved, are suddenly reopened. Trauma forces the survivor to relive all her earlier struggles over autonomy, initiative, competence, identity, and intimacy.
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The damage to the survivor's faith and sense of community is particularly severe when the traumatic events themselves involve the betrayal of important relationships. The imagery of these events often crystallizes around a moment of betrayal, and it is this breach of trust which gives the intrusive images their intense emotional power.
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Restoration of the breach between the traumatized person and the community depends, first, upon public acknowledgement of the traumatic event and, second, upon some form of community action. Once it is publicly recognized that a person has been harmed, the community must take action to assign responsibility for the harm and to repair the injury. These two responses - recognition and restitution - are necessary to rebuild the survivor's sense of order and justice.
4 comments posted: Monday, May 4th, 2015
Outlander on Netflix dvd
Yay! I was happy to watch the first episode for free on Starz when it first came out but I don't have cable, or any tv at all, and so finally! I can watch the first episodes, 6-I think, on 2 discs. That's all they offer right now.
I was about to cancel netflix, but I'll hang on a bit for this...
Loved the first book. The others are good, but the first is great fun. Yippee!
23 comments posted: Monday, April 20th, 2015
