SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm definitely unsettled. You said she bought MULTIPLE boxes of condoms over the years, and yet you only saw two of them?

I don't like that at all.

I am also glad you are posting again.
I dont really have a whole lot I can add to here at this time, except that my wish for you is for your wife to really understand that just giving you the answers to all these questions really is the key for you to start leaving it behind and being able to get on together.

I only know you surface level from what you post, but I’m pretty confident that if she offered you all the answers you needed to the point where you let out that sigh of relief of finally having everything make sense you’d be able to move forward with her? She has got to know this as well. Hopefully she’s still reading here.

I really don't know, man. I mean when you first found out about stuff, that could have been forgivable. But finding out more information is supposed to be the dealbreaker. You're young, why are you still putting yourself through this? There are about 3.5 billion girls on the planet. Eliminating one for bad behavior is just another opportunity to start over with someone who isn't this damaged and who doesn't have the kind of betrayal history she's put you through.

This0is0fine,

She isnt an asshole, brother.

She is a sensitive, kindhearted, dynamic child of god. The affairs and the deception are objects of great shame to her. She only wants to be happy and feel complete. She loves helping others, and is beloved by anyone who knows her.

She wakes up every day, full of aspirations and hope. She works so hard. She struggles to love herself. Its easier for her to love animals, run restaurants, excercise, and focus on the places where she didnt fail.

She cant live with herself and face it. Ive tried to force her. She wants to run away from the past. I keep reminding her.

Thats me, trying to make her choices for her. Thats me being wrong.

I cant save her or us, but I can save me and accept the dynamic truth of who she is. Who I am.

If I can do that and stay, I will.

Maybe that will be where I find something like healing. Maybe it will just keep delaying my healing. Healing will happen either way, eventually.

I almost immediately sort of regretted just throwing shade at your wife. I know insulting the WS isn't generally helpful to the BS.

She might be kind and sensitive to all, but she is doing that, multiple times, without regard for you.

She could be the most giving person ever, but if she is willing to give herself to anyone, what does she have left to give you?

She just doesn't have a constant visibility and care for you, her husband. She doesn't consider you before others. This is an ongoing pattern, and not one you have provided much evidence of her trying to change.

I had the same reaction as ThisIsS0Fine when I read your comment about all people being "animals" guided by our self-serving impulses. It seemed like a cop-out. It was another way of saying "all people are kind of kind of crappy so I shouldn’t aspire for anything better than this."

It clearly came from someone who has been so beaten down to the point of becoming numb. You’ve been treated so badly by women your entire life, particularly your own mother, that you’ve never known what it feels like to feel treasured, adored, and safe in a relationship.

I wish I could go back in time, find little kid 5bluedrops, give you a hug, and tell you that you deserve better.

Because I really feel that if you had any baseline measure for what a healthy and loving relationship is truly like, you would understand why we can’t reconcile all the disgusting, deplorable, humiliating, and abusive things that your wife has done to you before, during, and after her affairs with your characterization of her as this sweet, sensitive, damsel in distress.

Her pain and her shame has always been focused on her inability to accept the negative consequences of her actions and her own self-loathing… the pain and suffering she has caused you has always been second to that.

And, to further ThisIsS0Fine’s last post, your wife is not the first or the last WS to be "people-pleasing"… to every person on Earth except her spouse.

I hope that through focusing on your own personal healing and happiness that you will gain some clarity about your relationship and, perhaps at some point in the future, realize that you don’t have to settle for scraps.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 6:58 AM, Tuesday, December 16th]